why?

Why does God make me love what I love?

And why doesn't he make me love what I may not love?

Why did God make me wrongly believe I can get on with life without you? knowing well, I could barely get by without you.

The pain of you not being around is not just felt when you are not around but also when you are around. How did I miss you? How could I even think about missing you? Starkly reminding of what I missed.

How did I get the courage to even believe I could be fine without you? I wish I remained a coward then than now.

After all this, why does he not let me live a life with you?